Thursday, November 17, 2011

And Now, the Really Important News...

Congress has declared that pizza is a vegetable, citing the tomato sauce as the primary reason for this pronouncement. It is good to know that with all of the problems in the world today, they have the time to devote to this important question.

This is particularly important to those of us who work each summer at CTY Chestertown, where we place requirements on what our students eat. For example, when we tell them they must have a serving of a fruit or vegetable with a meal, we do not count ketchup, pickles, any form of potatoes or anything that is fried. [One student, wanting us to count onion rings as his vegetables, argued about the latter. He even called his mother to verify that an onion was a vegetable. He gave up, however, when it was pointed out that he was pulling the onion out and eating only the crunchy coating.] We've also refused to count such things as orange soda, grape jelly, cherry Jell-O, and Froot Loops as servings of fruit.

As far as pizza, we've conceded in the past few years to counting it as a protein, but one that could not be eaten for every lunch or dinner. I can only imagine what is in store in the coming year, when some up-on-the-news student tries to claim a slice as both a serving of protein and vegetables.

Hey, if Congress says it, it must be the law, right?


In other important news, Starbucks has announced that they will close the public restrooms in their New York locations. Apparently, having long lines of customers waiting to use them interferes with the ability of the employees to do so, thereby slowing down service.  Clearly, Starbucks' ability to dispense vast quantities of liquid to their customers far surpasses their ability to receive it.

Given NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg's propensity for issuing ordinances regarding such things as smoking and the sale of fatty foods in the name of public well-being, it is probably only a matter of time before he weighs in on this one. Surely the idea of New Yorkers, their bladders filled with super-duper-grande coffee beverages, having to wander the streets in search of relief is an imminent threat to public health!

I'm so glad I don't work in New York City any more.

No comments:

Post a Comment